note to self :: confessions of a b-lister

(can't wait till tomorrow to post another post)

being average and mediocre is not bad or wrong. everybody does it. forget perfect families in the advertising, forget the harvard alumni role models. you are who you are. and that was your aim. you have achieved it. you are not under-achiever. you made it. you won.

do you remember watching movies in the early 1990s. the first half of a run of the mill hollywood b-movie - something like "true lies" - was fun to watch because the options were open. before the culmination the choices were not yet made and the outcome - the ending - could turn out to be anything. 
later towards the end of the 1990s there appeared a slew of such independent movies. lots of dialogue, almost no music at all. definitely nothing like a music score written by alan silvestri - fully orchestrated landscape of the characters moods and feelings.
in the indie movies it is up to you to dig into the situation and get yourself an insight as to what the characters feel and really think deep inside.
but i digress
my point is that your life is like an indie movie. you can start watching it from any point. you didn't miss any important parts, scenes or dialogues. what was before would not affect the future, the way the plot will unfurl in the chapters to come. for all we know you could watch only the last episode and get a real insight - burst out laughing or crying - only when the credits will roll. 
you are free to realize what it was all about, only when the credits will roll into its second part when the second song starts playing.
maybe you will understand what was the purpose of the introduction of this or that character only in the sequel. maybe you will appreciate the beauty of the first part only when they will announce that in the third part they will replace you in the casting with elijah wood.
it is all up to you. it does not matter what the academy will decide. you will not be left to your own devices if the screen writers have gone on a strike. the film will keep on rolling and the man-hours will keep on counting in your time sheet.
keep the film rolling